HealthNess: Accepting Loss

The first phase of grief is done alone. The initial shock of the experience takes a bit to sink in. It almost came in waves for me. As I grocery shopped one day, I had a break-down. It hit me all at once that I was shopping for one. My little basket looked so empty. I lost all desire to eat. Hunger physically hurts but not when you feel like the emotional foundation has dissolved beneath you. It numbs and awakens at the same time. I've never felt so connected to Our Creator. The energy of Christ filled me and made all extremities tingle at the moment Mom's spirit crossed through the veil. It opened just as it does when a baby is born and covers the room with a peaceful aura. I also felt a kind of rush through my entire body that eventually exploded out of the crown of my head. I leaned back and soon became aware of the brilliant energy so I quickly climbed out of bed. On my knees, I raised the palms of my hands up and absorbed all that I could. Slowly, and out loud, I recited the Lord's Prayer as if my ears had never heard it. Each word resonated intensely with new meaning. I said, "Our," and understood that it was so important to understand that we are a pre-destined family. At 7 billion, we light the world with our combined spiritual energy. No one chooses to be in grief. Sometimes events happen back to back. I lost my house to a fire and then faced the soul-bending losses of 4 family members back-to-back. My younger sister dying at 44 was a shock; her husband dying a year later at 44 also was an even bigger shock. A routine heart procedure led to his unexpected death. My grandmother Rose's passing was not a shock at 95 but the timing was ridiculous. I didn't even travel to Medina, Ohio, for her service as I was homeless from a fire and just opening fully the Pandora's Box called alcoholism.

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