Saturday, September 18, 2021

Accepting Loss

 The first phase of grief is done alone. The initial shock of the experience takes a bit to sink in. It almost came in waves for me. As I grocery shopped one day, I had a break-down. It hit me all at once that I was shopping for one. My little basket looked so empty. I lost all desire to eat. Hunger physically hurts but not when you feel like the emotional foundation has dissolved beneath you. It numbs and awakens at the same time. I've never felt so connected to Our Creator. The energy of Christ filled me and made all extremities tingle at the moment Mom's spirit crossed through the veil. It opened just as it does when a baby is born and covers the room with a peaceful aura. I also felt a kind of rush through my entire body that eventually exploded out of the crown of my head. I leaned back and soon became aware of the brilliant energy so I quickly climbed out of bed. On my knees, I raised the palms of my hands up and absorbed all that I could. Slowly, and out loud, I recited the Lord's Prayer as if my ears had never heard it. Each word resonated intensely with new meaning. I said, "Our," and understood that it was so important to understand that we are a pre-destined family. At 7 billion, we light the world with our combined spiritual energy. No one chooses to be in grief. Sometimes events happen back to back. I lost my house to a fire and then faced the soul-bending losses of 4 family members back-to-back. My younger sister dying at 44 was a shock; her husband dying a year later at 44 also was an even bigger shock. A routine heart procedure led to his unexpected death. My grandmother Rose's passing was not a shock at 95 but the timing was ridiculous. I didn't even travel to Medina, Ohio, for her service as I was homeless from a fire and just opening fully the Pandora's Box called alcoholism. 

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Tuesday, September 14, 2021

What's Right With This Picture?

 Lunch at a restaurant with a friend, live and in person. A restaurant with indoor seating, no masks required for the vaccinated. OMG, After the long year of home-cooking (not much variety there), take-out (fun from time to time, not all the time), and lusting in front of Food Network re-runs, the trip to the restaurant was more than a welcome event. It was Nirvana. I couldn't help but overhear the conversation of the couple behind us. "They don't have anything I want," the woman moaned. "I thought you liked salmon," her friend replied. "Not grilled like that, it'll be all dry," the woman said. "Maybe you can ask them to poach it," her friend suggested. "Fat chance," the woman said. "And what's with the waiter?" she continued, "we've been here at least 15 minutes, and haven't seen hide nor hair of him since he plunked the water down. Which he spilled on the table, by the way - look at that!" No doubt the woman was correct, mostly anyway. But what a way to nuke an otherwise perfectly good experience! Instead of which, she could have simply focused on "What's right with this picture?" It may not have changed the facts: perhaps the restaurant wouldn't have prepared her salmon differently, and the waiter hadn't been to their table in 15 minutes, but it certainly would have changed the woman's experience of the facts. Let's see. It was a restaurant, so no food-prep to do or dishes to wash. There was an extensive menu, so lots of choices beyond the salmon. There was a person willing to wait on them. The couple was seated, together, indoors, without masks, which means... they could have enjoyed conversing with each other. They could have appreciated the simple fact of getting to be out in the world again, considering our past pandemic year. So much was "right" with their picture.


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